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| time to move on....meaning no more xanga. thats in the past. i just want it gone for good thats all. i guess ill never be fine until i know its gone for good. its deleted and destroyed.
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| i'm different. i grow up differently i guess that how i've become me. i'm such a passivist giving caring type of person. not to be big headed but i sometimes people just dont understand that i love to help others and just give if i can. i guess thats what separates me from a lot. i put up with a lot because i know i want to give people chances. i want to beable to believe that there are good people out there and i want to put my trust and faith in them. | | |
| i'm going to long beach!!!!!!! finally a few days of relaxing. i havent had a real day off from work or school since starting in august. and now i do!!!!!! i'm overly excited that i get to go somewhere outta diego for a bit. i just need to chill n relax n this weekends gonna do it. i cant wait. i know i shouldnt be to excited, i might get my hopes down, but still. three days off from work n school. i'm leaving my books behind n just chilling with my friends n boyfriend!!!!!!!! cool. i've been burnt out lately that i have been a little screwed up in the head. i'm all outta emotions, i'm exhausted, and i just need to rest. n plus i still havent celebrated my six months. i have to go shopping for lees present. but the best part of it all is that i get to spend "awake" time with him. majority of the time when i do see him hes asleep n so i sleep too before heding to school. yes i do go to his place from sunday thru tuesday but we hardly see each other. this weekend is gonna be good for us. especially me. relax and have fun. no worries, nor high expectations. no expecting at all. care-free weekend. -edited october 26, 2006 funny. we barely stayed awake. haha. we slept majority of the time while i was in long beach, but atleast i was with him. | | |
| wow i can't believe its almost been six months since i've been with lee. its been a journey, a wonderful journey  ... i've changed, and i think its for the best. i've learned things that i was eventually gonna learn, so its been quite a journey. six months of my first job and six months with my baby. really interesting. i knew i would change but i didnt realize that i would be this way. i've been through so many emotional ups and downs. physically and mentally also. i spoke to my friend, and asked him 'why does my boyfriend want to stay with me when i'm such an emotional wreck?' i just didnt understand it. i wasn't being selfish or atleast i didnt want to be so i kind of thought that i was being selfish for putting lee up through all my shit. but in the end, i would do the same for him also. i would stand by him if and when he ever goes through a rough point in his life. thats what relationships are for right? he's my bestfriend that i can count on both emotionally and physically. he's my big teddy bear that i like to hug and be comforted by when i'm down. i know i have my girls that i could count on, but boyfriends are a different kind of comfort. its funny, six months have passed by so quickly. at the start, i was looking for a boyfriend who was romantic 24/7 and wanted to spend everyday with me or atleast a lot of time. this situation, i've had my rough patch were i almost broke up with him many times cos i wanted more. i wanted to be shown affection 24/7.. i was that type of girl. in a way i still am but i now TRULY realize that being to romantic is boring. but when he does show me more affection than normal, ITS WORTH IT. cos i really know hes trying and he really does care. i used to question the fact that 'did he really care for me?' i dont need words to be shown that i'm cared for now. its ''his own little weird ways" that counts the most. how long we'll last, who knows, but IT WILL BE WORTH MY TIME AND EFFORT. funny as it maybe, but i'm getting used to be in this weird situation. with school and work i dont have that much time to do anything else. but when we do hang out, i like just laying down and sleep next to him. its funny we are both sleeping. our schedules clashes so much, i probably only literally see him awake only less than 10 hours a week. majority of the time were both sleeping. but i need all the rest that i can get. i'm mentally, physically, and emotionally tired and burnt out. but i'm still pulling through cos i know in the end its worth it. | | |
| this was the best birthday ever. nothing could ever top this. i wasn't expecting a big celebration but dinner with lee. but it was so completely such a big surprise.
first my babe took me to dinner wednesday night. we went to edgewater grill in seaport where i was 'surprised' by my friends and family members. i got so dressed up cos i havent dressed up in a while and plus its my birthday. lee picked me up from my house around 6:30 that night and we headed to seaport. there he gave me my presents. and surprised me with tickets to disneyland for the next day. i knew something was up cos our teacher carol told me that 'so richard and carissa you guys aren't gonna be here tomorrow.' freaking shocked looks on lee and kui. so i knew something was up. she tried to play it off by saying 'never mind i mixed you up with another girl in my class named melissa.' haha. funny stuff. but he spoiled me so much that day, it was really really nice. dinner with friends and family was nice. afterwards we went to viejas and gambled. or actually they gambled on roulette. then thursday morning, we went to disneyland. our conversations when were together for a long time can get a little bit strange/ perve. enjoyed disneyland, just me and my boyfriend. we rode on the rides. he cheated on buzzlightyear ride. spinning the seats like that. and stupid me didnt even notice. haha. he came up with the idea that since it was our birthdays monday and tuesday, we go shopping and spend a limit of 50 on presents. we went our separate ways at 8:45 at night and shopped on main street til we met back up at infront of the photoshop at 9:10. it was funny. when we split up, they first store i went in, he went it. then when i was at the main gift shop, he was there. aside from shopping for him i had to shop for other people to. so i was pressed on time. i didnt get him what i originally had wanted to find but i couldnt find it. so instead i saw these cute dolls (yes i know guys shouldnt get dolls) but i got them because they were so cute. and i got him a grumpy shirt. funny he got me grumpy shorts. then it was off to the fire works. main street was full so we went to watch the fire works at small world. bad idea. they fire works came from 3 or so separate locations. kept having to turn out heads. and the trees where blocking our views. it was a cool 50th anniversary fireworks presentation. had all the songs to all the rides in disneyland and everything. it was nice.
thank you to everyone who made my birthday the best birthday ever. to jas for setting up my side of the family. and for doing a lot. to kui for the ice cream cake. (extraordinary desserts cake would have been better would they let you order one...but it was good ice cream cake) thank you. to everyone for showing up. bon jen and janell. kui jes sina derrick wilson. my family. and of course thank you so much lee. you just dont realize that you've made this birthday the best one ever. i dont think anyone will ever or even can come close to topping this surprise. good job boyfriend. thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything babe. you have no idea how much i appreciate everything that you've done for me. and of course i loved my presents. and the memories that i have. you spoiled me so much. thank you love =D
then saturday bffs took me to dinner at claim jumpers and we had fun. miss those stupid convos we have. shoe shopping next. | | |
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